Aug

7

Emotions - How Do You Feel Today?

Filed Under Uncategorized | 3 Comments 

Fire and iceI was asked to participate in a meme today:

Our Abstract Emotions, started by Confessions of a Housewife.

As I glanced through the post I thought, oh that’s easy. I’m gonna post a photo of K’s adoption day - clearly one of the happiest days of my life. But as I was thinking, I remembered, adoption day wasn’t the happiest day of my life - it was the most relieved day of my life. K had been living with us as a foster child for over a year, and when the day finally came, I glided through it, mostly in daze.

Then I thought I’d post a photo of the bear that comes to visit, as that sums up my feelings of living in the mountains of Colorado - but I’ve already done that. Twice.

I Stumbled photos. I searched Flickr.

Then I re-read her post and the instructions were clear:

Your assignment is to find a picture that abstractly expresses how you feel. What I mean by abstractly is a picture of something, a drawing, a image, that does not have you or another person in it.

And that is how I settled on the photo - actually a painting of mine - that clearly reflects how I feel today. I named the painting ‘Fire and Ice’.

What’s a meme?

O.K. Tag, you are it.

Aug

6

A Birthday Meme

Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment 

I’ve been tagged by to answer a Meme by Go Workout Mom

What is a meme, you ask? Apparently, in the blogging world, it’s a way to ask a question, pick (tag) others to share their answers and so on. If you’re really interested, there’s a blog dedicated to Memes. Check out The Daily Meme.

For this one, go to Wikipedia and type in your birthday (month and day). Then you write down 3 events, 2 births, 1 holiday, and tag 5 friends. There are five slots in the meme list…If you are tagged, you have to remove the name in the first slot and bump everyone up so that your name can be added to the bottom. Participation is optional.

Here’s the list:

 

TwistedSister…

Ugly Mailbox

Earnest Parenting

Go Workout Mom

Mid-Life Mommy

And I tag:

High on Health

The New Midlife Mommy - (the other one)

A Momma’s Rant

Citizen Mom

This Mommy Cooks!

3 Events

Disaster, Death, Torture. Whew!

2 Births

1 Holiday

Winter Solstice. Cool eh?

In the Northern Hemisphere, the winter solstice, sometimes known as Yule, occurs on or very close to this date. In the Northern Hemisphere, it marks the first official day of Winter. In the Southern Hemisphere, the summer solstice occurs around this time.

Aug

4

Larry King, Adoption, and the Bridge

Filed Under Open Adoption | 4 Comments 

Larry King, Adoption, and the BridgeWhy did Larry have to introduce the grieving family last night as “the father and his two adopted daughters”? Wouldn’t introducing them as “his two daughters” have worked just as well?

In case you missed it, last night Larry King interviewed the husband and the two daughters of one woman killed in the bridge collapse. I can’t find the video clip or I’d post it.

The whole country is grieving. I feel for the family and the two daughters, now missing their mother.

Again.

UPDATE:  Sherry Engebresten is her name.  Here’s a link to an MSN story and video.  Icouldn’t find the Larry King one.

Aug

2

Five Things I Wish I had Known about Open Adoption

Filed Under Open Adoption | 5 Comments 

1. Birth – First Parents don’t just “Get on with their lives”.

Why would I have even thought that? K’s Birth Mom, - First Mom, (I still can’t get used to saying first mom), is a real person with deep feelings about our daughter. Jenna is a great advocate for First Parents,. She recently did this post on Triad Loss. I’ve learned a lot from Jenna over the last couple of years, and I recommend you read her for a while if you are considering an open adoption.

2. That there is terminology to be learned – like Birth and First Parent and that in itself is controversial.

Yes I thought that Birth Mother - as taught to me by our caseworker, was a nice warm and fuzzy term. Little did I know…..

3. That I’d be an educator on open adoption.

Open-Adoption is not co-parenting, sharing custody or asking permission. It is not about visitation rights, (although some people are advocating for that). Open-Adoption allows contact between first families and adoptive families. That could mean anything from just knowing who all sides of the triad are, or letters occasionally, to visits once a week as we do.

4. When we are seen together, first mom, me and K, people assume I’m the grandmother.

It is pretty strange. Last time this happened, FM spoke up and said, no, she’s the mom pointing at me. I was grateful.

5. That some people are actually afraid of open-adoption.

I get comments about kidnapping, abduction, and unwanted influences. These are all real threats living in the USA today and have nothing to do with adoption.

I love having an open adoption for my daughter. Yes it is a hassle. Yes it causes emotional turmoil on all sides. But probably not as much turmoil as a search later in life would cause. At least I’m banking on that.

We get to know the birth-first mom and I have lots of photos to share. Regardless of what happens in years ahead, my daughter will always have photos (and hopefully memories) of first mother looking at her with love.

Priceless, as they say.

Jul

30

To Tether or not to Tether?

Filed Under World Travels | 5 Comments 

tether my child in airportMy mother insisted that I purchase a harness while traveling alone with my little girl to France this year.

Now, it’s not like my daughter is still a young toddler, she’s 3 1/2 years old now, has been on many airplanes and certainly knows how to listen - (when she chooses.) I couldn’t see myself as one of those mother’s who ties up her child - after all, I have control. Right?

But you know how mothers are. Insistent. And I have one.

So I told my Mum I’d go shopping and see what I could find. - It was never my intent to actually use it, but just to bring it over to my parents house in France, and show them that yes, indeed, I had a harness.

So I found this cute little pink leash thing. I hate to call it a leash, but that gives you the visual. K was with me when I bought it (only $3.00!) and insisted that we try it right then, at home. So I looped one end around her belt and the the other around my wrist and K tugged and pulled and stayed and heeled and played doggie and loved the thing.

Surprise.

I still had no intention of actually walking through an airport with my little darling on a leash. That is until I got into line with my suitcase, passports, boarding passes, carry on and a problem with our ticket.

The agent never exactly told me what was wrong, but she was re-routing us through Africa to get to France or not, and making sure our luggage wouldn’t arrive in Portugal. K was fussy since it was 5:30 AM, and she decided her throat felt like the Sahara. I’d dumped all liquid in preparation for our top notch security clearances. Since she couldn’t have a drink that instant, she started to play that ‘hide behind the jumbo suitcase’ game with the man waiting behind us in line and out came that tether faster than you can say lost child.

K still fussed, but now I could concentrate on the tickets and the passports and taking my shoes off without the worry of K running to the water fountain on the other side of security without me.

So yea, I guess I am the kind of mom who tethers her child. Who knew.

~~~~~~~~~

Want one?

Amazon tethers and harnesses:

Walk-O-Long Blue Hawaiian

Walk-O-Long Pink Hawaiian

Jul

17

France, Beach and Red Wine

Filed Under Uncategorized | 2 Comments 

red wine and the beachI’m there. What could be better.

Oh yea, a croissant.

Got that too.

Stay a little while. Read my post on Sign Language for Toddlers, or maybe the one about Bobcats only eat Bobs. 

If we have something in common, leave a  comment.

But don’t go yet,subscribe to this blog so that you’ll catch my next post on being a Mid-Life Mommy.

See you in a week.

Jul

14

K and the Catfish!

Filed Under Resources | 3 Comments 

sign language for toddlers

When my foster baby Kay turned 7 months old, I started teaching her sign language.

I had heard that if you teach your child a few basic signs, the terrible two’s can turn into the terrific two’s and be full of joy instead of full of tantrums.

I didn’t know any sign language. So I bought the book, Baby Signs and started from there.

Baby Signs: How to Talk with Your Baby Before Your Baby Can Talk, New Edition

Dr. Linda Acredolo and Dr. Susan Goodwyn, the authors of the book Baby Signs, have conducted over two decades of academic research on the use of signs with hearing babies. During one of the studies with the National Institute of Health, they found babies at age 24 months, were on average talking more like 27 or 28 month olds.

This represents more than a three-month advantage over the non-signing babies. In addition, the 24 month old babies were putting together significantly longer sentences. Thirty six month old signers were talking at a forty seven month level - almost a year ahead of non signing children. The conclusion is that signing children learn both language and cognitive skills, and show an increased interest in books and the world around them.

During my research on the internet I found a child can tell you what they are feeling or needing and therefore can communicate with signs rather than with tears and screams - even as early as one year old.

What did I have to loose? Fewer tantrums sounded great!

We started with easy signs, the first ones were eat (fingers to the mouth), more (finger tips touch and tap), drink (fingers showing drinking from a cup), rain (hands coming down in front of you). I didn’t know how long I would have this baby, but even if I could use a few signs with her it might help both of us and even be fun.

Over the next couple of months I continued to use a few signs, but I wasn’t getting a response and I wasn’t consistent. It was fun, but I’d forget to sign something, and just did a sign now and again as I would remember to do it. Then, during a rainy day visit to her birth mother, K suddenly started waiving her hand down in front of her. She was almost frantic. Waiving up and down up and down as far as she could reach from her head to her toes. Up and down frantically. Rain! She was singing rain! I had only used this sign a couple of times previously and yet she remembered and it was the first sign she choose to communicate with me. There was a sparkle in her eyes as I understood her. She was nine months old.

By one year old, Kay was signing rain, light, drink, and a whole lot of animals that I consistency signed as we went through a zoo book together. Some of the signs were American Sign Language, (ASL) some Baby Signs and some made up signs that seemed to represent the animal in the book. (touching neck for giraffe, touching nose for pig).

I started to get excited by the results - K could actually communicate things she was seeing. Soon I found a series of signing DVD’s made especially for kids. I purchased the first DVD called Signing Time I, and popped it in. There was a mom with her deaf girl and hearing nephew signing to other kids with catchy songs in the background. I was not expecting much; after all, Kay was only just a year old and hadn’t been watching TV yet.

Results were almost instant. Kay stood transfixed in front of the TV. Here were kids, some not much older than her, doing signs while playing! This was the first time she had seen anyone besides me sign. From then on every morning she’d point to the TV and sign more (taping fingers together) indicating to me she wanted to watch the DVD. After only a week she picked up about 5 new signs and started to use them to communicate her needs. When she was hungry or thirsty she didn’t cry, she’d come to me, pull on my leg and do the sign over and over again. Eat, Drink Play, Swing, she’ll tell me what she wants. She uses the sign for more every time she is having fun. When she goes down the slide she puts her fingers together again and again and laughing. More, more more!

I’ve bought the whole series of Signing Time DVD’s and we watch one every morning. Sometimes I’ll do dishes while she watches, and she’ll come to me to demonstrate a new sign. I have to rush back to the TV and learn the sign so she doesn’t get ahead of me!

Encouraged by how easy it was to learn a few some words, I decided to learn ASL myself. I had tried to learn other languages before, - French, Spanish, but it never occurred to me to learn as a child might! I loved the simplicity of how children learn and I went on another search on the net to find more resources to learn sign, not for Kay, but for me.

Quickly I found lots more research, articles and flash cards. I bought all four sets and arranged them in small photo albums. As I was sitting on the couch in the evening, I’d flip through them memorized the signs. I did them to myself with the thought I’d teach Kay as learned. Within a few evenings, Kay would point to the flashcard and then do the sign herself! She had seen me do the sign a few times and picked them up just from watching me. Now we go through the flash cards and she does the signs as I turn the pages.

A few days ago at the pet store, Kay started signing fish and then would point to her nose. Smell? Pig? What do you see honey? Then she’d sign cat (drawing whiskers over her lip) and then point to the fish. I was looking everywhere for the cat or kitten, but she was pointing to the fish. As we went closer to the fish tank, I saw - sure enough, there was a fish with whiskers! A catfish!

Now adopted, Kay is 15 months old and has a signing vocabulary of over 60 signs. She is also starting to talk and often says the word at the same time as doing the sign. She has about 12 words already – some with signs, some without. When she starts to fuss, I ask questions, using both the word and the sign, - eat, drink, tired, play, swing, slide, ball, diaper, until she recognizes the one she is crying about and then uses the sign back to me. She may not always know what she is upset about until I give her some choices, then she grabs the one that is most interesting to her. I don’t care if she is communicating a real need, or just distracted from her crying by the sign. I just know its working. I am optimistic about the ‘terrible two’s. We can already ‘talk’ together and her verbal skills are ahead of others her age. In her playgroup she is signing with non signing children aged 2 and 3, and somehow they all manage to communicate well. When we are out in public, she points and does the sign for all kinds of things interesting to her. She points to foods in the grocery store, and does the sign when she recognizes milk, cheese, grapes. It’s so much fun to watch and share with her.

Kids with all types of abilities and disabilities benefit from signing. Other foster mom’s I know have started using sign to work with their kids. If they are developmentally delayed or have speech delays they can learn to sign before speaking and it helps the frustration level for everyone. I’ve had foster kids with all kinds of delays -you can bet I’ll use signs with all my foster kids in the future, and I hope you do to.

NOTE:
This was first published in Foster Families Magazine several years ago. Today K is 3 1/2 and has verbal language skills of a 5 year old. Although we’ve forgotten most of the sign now, I’m convinced signing was the key to give her such a head start.

Jul

13

K’s Open Adoption

Filed Under Open Adoption | 4 Comments 

I’ve been meaning to write about my daughters open adoption with her birth mom since I started this blog, but I can’t really bring myself to do so.

Today K has a visit, as we do most weeks since we live in the same town. I love birth mom, and she’s doing great with her second child, K’s half sister.

Since she has a sibling, that alone would be enough reason to continue visits, but I also keep the adoption open because I feel it will be best for K in the long run.

For me though, I’m always a bit weirded out.

K looks a lot like birth mom, laughs like her and has the same mannerisms, but it is me she runs to yelling Mommy Mommy when she falls or wants to show off. (most of the time).

Birth mom and I share a special treasure - our daughter. Not sharing as in custody or co-parenting, and certainly not responsibility.

This is sharing in the largest, grandest Spiritual sense. No matter how much I wish that K was my birth daughter it will never be so. No matter how much birth mom wished for a different outcome, it will never be.

And so once a week we get together and visit and navigate these strange emotional waters.

Additional Resources from Amazon:
Open Adoption Experience: Complete Guide for Adoptive and Birth Families - From Making the Decision Throug

Children of Open Adoption and Their Families

Jul

12

Mommy Blogging Thesis!

Filed Under Resources | 1 Comment 

mommy typing on computer leave me alone!Blogging has become my passion, way to express, communicate, create. I’ve learned more from other bloggers that I could ever imagine, and had a lot of fun in the process.

I’m not alone. There are millions of mommy bloggers around the world, all using this platform to connect with each.

We can multi-link, hypertext, Skype and IM – after all multi-tasking is nothing new for mommies. As it turn out, we’re good at this computer stuff.

MommyPie has written a thesis: Mom Blogging: Issues of Identity, Relations and Play

In this thesis, she forms a theory that because we are mothers, we are good at the the tasks blogging requires:

……..that the fundamental physical change that women endure and experience in giving birth and taking on a new role of mother has allowed them, especially women who have acquired a high literacy capability, to adapt more quickly to the narrative environment of hypertext and the fluidity concepts that are involved in understanding and playing and communicating within the virtual textual literacy environment.

It is a fanscinating study with the final segment being posted on her site in a week or so.

Start reading what’s she got up so far and let me know what you think.

Mom blogging thesis by MotherPie

Additional Resources:

Want to learn to blog?

Try Blogging Guru Yaro’s free course:
Click here to download the Blog Profits Blueprint

or this book from amazon for more info:
Clear Blogging: How People Blogging Are Changing the World and How You Can Join Them

Jul

11

Information Overload for Mommy!

Filed Under Uncategorized | 5 Comments 

information overload mid-life mommyHave you ever been in information overload? I’ve signed up for this cool Blogger Mastermind course given by Blog Master Yaro, and already I’m behind. Big time.

Since I’m paying for the course I’m trying to stay up with all the materials, but there is just too much reading and follow up for me to do. It’s like being in school full time.

And of course I’ve got a life – if you count two other blogs and my three and a half year old. And a husband, two dogs and a cat.

Too much to do. Too much to clean.

My solution.

Write short blog posts.

Hire a house cleaner.

Only take care of what is in front of my face that moment. – My daughter, my hubby, my dog.

Read a little each day on my courses.

Play more often.

I’m staying somewhat sane.

I think it is the playing part that helps.

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